Southeastern District Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
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Blog: Wellness Wednesday – “Everything’s Good…Thanks for Asking”

Wellness Wednesday – “Everything’s Good…Thanks for Asking”

After 22 years in the Army and another 8½ years working as a government civilian, I’ve decided it’s time to leave federal service and focus on my reconciliation ministry, “Restoring Harmony”, serving the SED, LCMS, and others with video and in-person conflict conciliation and mediation. My unit at Fort Liberty, NC often says, “It doesn’t matter how far you are from the ‘X’ (the target), you are a valuable member of the team”. I was never that close to the ‘X’, but I always saw my work as strengthening our military men and women who were much closer. In a sense, that is what I do in Christian conciliation: walk alongside people in conflict – within marriages, church staffs, business partnerships, or your next-door neighbors – and strengthen them through reconciliation.

Christian conciliation requires a foundation of trust, and so our focus for this week’s Wellness Wednesday is recognizing the significance when someone decides to step forward and say, “I need help”. We all wear a “mask”, but only a few people ever get to see some of what is behind it. For example, my wife recently went to Germany for what we both thought was going to be 2 years. It turned out to be 12 weeks for reasons out of her control; however, about 10 of those 12 weeks passed before we really knew for sure it would be cut short. The first 6 or 7 weeks were tough. Whenever anyone asked how I was doing, my response was always, “Everything’s good…thanks for asking”. Only a couple of people knew how I really felt. For most people, I stayed behind my mask because I didn’t want to share how much I missed her being away.

People put on similar masks when they are in conflict, especially with someone inside their own home. We adequately convince those around us that everything is good, when inside we struggle with how to resolve the conflict. Stepping forward to ask for help is a moment of strength that is not recognized well enough. Taking that first step is critical to finding wellness while in conflict. The process can be challenging. It can be emotional. It can be heartbreaking. But it can also be healing when God steps in and confession and forgiveness are freely expressed. These are the moments I pray for as I walk alongside every couple who begins exploring reconciliation. Those are the moments that make the process worth it.

So, let me ask you…how’s everything going?

Rev Alan Shaw is an Assistant Pastor at Resurrection Lutheran Church in Cary, NC. He is a retired Army officer and serves as a resource for the SED and LCMS with Christian Conciliation training, workshops, and reconciliation cases. He can be reached at for questions about Christian Conciliation.